If you are near my little Tyli, you will probably be hearing the question "why?" after anything you say. It is her newest, and most very annoying saying ever. I know she doesn't really care why, but uses it to sound mature- I think. Maybe it's just easier to say than most other words available. On the other hand, it is a question I am now asking myself.
Some of you may know, others did not, but after my last miscarriage we waited the allotted time of 6 weeks, and then guess what... we got pregnant again! I was so excited and could tell everything was going well, the hormones were SURGING! Plus, my identical twin, (yes, we are identical even if I don't think we look that much alike!) Jeni, discovered she too was pregnant. (A lot further along than I though.) A friend asked me if I was scared, since my miscarriage had happened not too long ago, but my reply was, "No, I am paranoid!" I was so excited as I passed the 6 week mark that i miscarried at last time, and then on past the 7th week mark as well. Then it happened. Last Friday I started "spotting" again, but after being checked out by my Dr. on Wednesday, I was told everything seemed normal, but to call if things got worse. By the next morning, I was sure the spotting was over. Things seemed absolutely fine and regular Thursday night so imagine my horror when I went to the bathroom Friday morning during my Preschool Halloween party only to discover I was indeed miscarrying. Luckily for me, the moms helped out with the end of the party, but things only got worse from there. My Dr. wanted me to go into Labor and Delivery if things got worse, but I know what to expect and look for, and will wait until it is absolutely necessary this time before we go. This all leads me back to Ty's favorite saying; why? I know Heavenly Father wanted me to get pregnant again, but in a lot of ways, I feel as if it is a cruel joke! Why? 2 miscarriages in 3 months? And to have received an answer so clearly. I am emotionless right now, but along with this, I feel faithless. I really don't know if I will ever be able to put my faith in Him and try and have another baby. It is such a hard thing to go through emotionally, especially so close together. I just can't even explain the feelings I have right now, which doesn't help my endless ramblings to try and make myself feel better. All I ask is that you'll pray for me- that I can handle this again. Thanks
8 comments:
oh, Jami I wish I knew what to say to comfort you, but I don't. Just know that you are loved... by so many and that includes your heavenly father. I know this must seem impossible. My hubby and I have been trying for now 9 months to have another little one. We feel that we are suppose to increase our family... but no help. I know it is enough to get us down, but I have to have faith or else everything will fall apart. Know that you are most certainly in our prayers and please let me know if there is anything a friend can do from 2 states away!
I am so sorry for your loss. Andrew always says look what perfect children you'll get to raise in heaven. I find that so true. I hope all goes well from now on and our prayers are with you. Get feeling better and know that everything really does happen for a reason! Love you and wish you the very best!
We love you Jami! You are a very special piece of our family and I am grateful Cauley found you! You are a strong woman. Take time for yourself and we will be sure to include you and your family in our prayers. We love you!
Hey Jamie! I want you to know that Seth and I are praying for you and that we love you guys. Things like this are never easy, and we hope that family and friends can bring you strength and hope :)
Oh Jami...I'm so sorry again! Here I am blogging about a colically baby and you are sweetly offering advice and help when you are going through one of the worst things a mother can go through! I would feel all the same feelings you are expressing and wonder why as well. I will pray for you and your family for comfort and to know that you are being watched over in this difficult time. Don't give up! You have three beautiful children and I'm sure you will be given more as time goes on. Hang in there. I will be thinking about you.
Our thoughts and prayers are with you guys at this time.
I'm so sorry honey. I know how hard this time can be. You'll definitely be in our thoughts. You're amazing!!!
We love you Jami and our prayers are with you!
Post a Comment